I heard it a lot while I was pregnant, and even more when I had a real live squirming and pooping bundle of joy. When he began to roll over and then to crawl and then to cruise and then to walk…I heard it. But out of all the little tidbits (and God knows I get my fill of parenting tidbits), it’s the truest one.
My baby, my beautiful, wonderful, amazing son turns a year old tomorrow. I can’t remember what it was like to not be his mom, but on the other hand, it seems like it was just 2 or 3 months ago that my husband and I drove oh-so-carefully home with him from the hospital.
But I’ll admit, one (or a day shy, anyhow) is the best age yet. Everything is fascinating. “Dis?” he’ll ask, and with a precise little finger, point to a banana. “A banana,” I’ll say. “Dat?” he’ll ask, and with wide, sweeping gesture, indicate an entire room. “Kitchen,” I’ll answer. “Yeah,” he says. (I’m so glad I have a “yeah” baby instead of a “no” baby, although he’s not afraid to use that word, either.) I love watching him play - I’ll sit on the floor with him and watch him methodically pull out every toy he has, inspect it as though he has never seen it before, and then toss it to the side so he can explore the next. Even better is when he stops, stands up, and runs to me, squealing, to give me a big, sloppy, open-mouthed kiss…the kind of kiss only a baby can manage. He lets me kiss on him for a minute or two, and then he’s squirming down, chubby legs pumping before I can even get him on the ground, ready to run off to the next thing.
He understands things now. “Come with Mommy, we need to go change your pants,” I’ll say, and up he’ll get and toddle after me to his room. In the bathtub, he’ll start to stand, and I’ll say, “On your bottom!” and he promptly sits down, then laughs when he splashes me…and then when I laugh, too, he’ll splash me some more, because, see, he gets it. Splashing makes Mom laugh. That’s funny. I’ll do it some more. If I stub a toe and say “Ow!” (biting my lip to keep the “shit!” that wants to follow it), his lower lip comes out. He makes the same sad face when Daddy laces up his boots in the morning, because he’s made the connection that boots mean Daddy’s going to work. And when he comes home, and we hear the door unlocking, he yells “Dada!” before Daddy comes through the door. He makes a billion connections a day. Every morning, when I go to get him from his crib, I say, “What are you going to do to amaze me today, son?” and he never disappoints me.
But just 364 days ago, he was this wrinkly little thing that terrified me. And now he’s this little boy who says “Yeah” when I ask him if he wants a cookie, and says “Thanks” (or an approximation of it) when he gets handed one. He spent months looking just like Daddy, and months looking just like me, but now, when I look at him, I don’t see either one of us - I just see him. He’s his own little person, with his own personality and a budding sense of humor, and I love to watch him grow…for the most part.
I am (mostly) excited for his birthday. I have managed to keep him alive and thriving for a year, with no broken bones, major illnesses, and only one chipped tooth. Pretty good for a woman who couldn’t manage a goldfish. He’s also a very happy little boy. People tell me that all the time, in tones of wonderment - from the lady that checks us out at the grocery store to his grandpa: He’s just the happiest baby. I love that…I love hearing that more than anything. Because, see, I think that’s my job…along with keeping him from jumping off of the couch and eating sticks and poking curious fingers into electrical outlets.
I’m looking forward to this next year. I was kind of sad when he started to walk…I felt like he had hit his last major milestone, but I know that’s not true. I can’t wait until he can tell me what’s on his mind, until he can ask me more questions (because “dis” and “dat” are cute now, but I can see where it might start getting old). I can’t wait until he says “I love you.” I hope it’s soon…he hears it a thousand times a day. I’m excited for him to learn that crayons are more for art and less for snacking and that diapers, while really convenient, are not nearly as cool as the potty. I look forward to many, many adventures with my boy.
And I look forward to growing more, myself, because when it comes down to it, he may have gone from an 8-pound newborn to a walking, talking person, but out of the 2 of us, I think I have learned more. I know that sounds corny and cliché, just as corny and cliché as “Enjoy it, it goes by fast,” but it’s just as true.
I’ve learned the practical lessons. I know how to avoid getting peed on, and how to take a rectal temperature. I can tell when my son has something in his mouth by the expression on his face, and how to get it out. I know that eating a certain amount of dirt and carpet fuzz is acceptable, and that no matter how dirty he gets, babies are imminently washable. I know when to run him into urgent care, and when a dose of Tylenol and some extra snuggles from mama will do the trick. I’ve learned that toys are usually still interesting with the sound turned off, but are waaay more fun with the volume maxed out. Vegetables are important (and should be served first), but chicken nuggets are okay sometimes, too…and an Oreo after dinner isn’t the end of the world, either. And I’ve learned that other moms have great advice, but when it comes down to it, no one knows my son better than I do.
I’ve learned how to run a household of 3 on half the income we had when we were just two. I’ve learned which cheap diapers really are cheap, and which are actually a good bargain. I’ve learned that when it comes to getting a new pair of jeans versus something really cool for the baby, the baby wins out almost every time…but not every time, because sometimes you do need a pair of jeans, and baby has plenty. Trust me on that.
I’ve learned to eliminate a lot of “Hold on just a minute” and “Wait a second” from my vocabulary, because the laundry can wait, but a game of “This Little Piggy” sometimes can’t. I learned that co-sleeping didn’t work for us, but there is no better napping then when your baby falls asleep on you and you nod off during Dr. Phil. And I’ve learned to make the most of naptimes: Morning naps are for me, afternoon naps are for chores, and bedtime allows me to focus on my husband…and I’ve learned that no matter how wrapped up I am in baby, that the man who fathered that baby still needs to be babied from time to time, too. I’ve learned priorities and balance.
I’ve learned it’s hard to maintain friendships with people who don’t have little ones, that many of the people I used to be close with really can’t understand that I would honestly rather be at home with my son and my husband on a Saturday night, and that “date night” really can be a simple matter of not putting on your pajamas at 6, putting make-up on, turning off the TV and sharing a glass of champagne in the living room, after baby is in bed. I’ve also learned that reaching out to other moms can result in some of the most rewarding friendships you can have.
I’ve learned how to handle a love that is so overwhelming that it can, at times, border on terror, and how to temper that love with common sense.
I’ve learned to be happier with myself. My son doesn’t look at me and think, “My mom’s overweight and has funny hair.” He looks at me and thinks I’m awesome, and that makes me think that I might be awesome, too.
And I have learned that even my worst days, the days when my son is a complete crank butt who seems intent on driving me crazy and making as many messes as possible, when I find something small and plastic in his diaper and he’s pulled everything out of the cabinet and spread dried spaghetti noodles all over the floor and triumphantly mashes oatmeal in his hair and begins to scream and continues to scream the entire time I’m cooking dinner…well, even the worst days I have with him are infinitely better than the best days I had without him.
He is the love of my life, the center of my world, my very heart. Happy birthday, buddy. Your mama loves you more than you could ever, ever imagine.
It is amazing how quickly a year went by! You are a fantastic mama and I am so glad to have you as a resource!!
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